rain, rain, go away

well, i needed a new photo up, and this is one thing i do to combat the gray. i try to get my trader joes flowers to last as long as they can, so first there's the big bright bouquet, and then when it starts dwindling, i pull out the flowers that are dead, and put the survivors in smaller vases. even if it's just one flower. it'll do.

it's february now, and february always comes up on me quick and takes me by surprise. baseball tryouts are starting this weekend (already?!!) and then coming up next week, there's valentine's day, which, if you're a grown-up, and don't want to participate in, you don't have to, but if you've got a kid, then you must, because all the kids swap valentine's at school. so there's the mini-battle over that. oh, the things "they" market! francis wanted to buy this spiderman pack at safeway, and half of them had a very scary "venom" looking like it was going to bite your face off. oozing fangs and everything. i said: "this looks a bit too scary for valentine's day." and francis said: " of course he looks scary. he's VENOM. he always looks like that." and i said: "yeah, but for valentine's day?" and then i of course couldn't help but saying: " you know, just because some company makes these things, doesn't mean we have to buy it." and then i suggest we wait a little longer, and see what other options there are. and of course: "you know, you could always make them yourself." but lately we've been noticing more and more, the little slump of his shoulders, the glazing over of the eyes, and his quick agreeance with us over what was said. defeated. like "yeah, you're right, they are stupid." somehow we've steered off-coure and landed in the swamp. and then we have to say: "no no no! WE are making a parental decision, but YOU don't have to agree with us. you just have to say "ok". i'm not trying to get you to think they're stupid, and you don't have to change your mind if you like them. you can like them, but i just don't think they're appropriate, ok?" (sigh) somehow, there's this hair-thin line that gets crossed without even knowing it until you're on the other side. i definitely don't want to be the parent that says "no" all the time. it does seem like we say "no" alot. there's alot of things out there that we don't agree with, that are ridiculous, not necessary, extravagant, commercial, and we just want to live simply. is that cliche or trendy to say? we don't want alot of "stuff". but living simply makes you stand out. not going with the flow gets you noticed. it comes with alot of "no's". and francis is starting to feel it. it used to not bother him so much i think, but now it's starting to. and i know with kids some things you just gotta stand firm on, but how many things do we insist upon, that, at the end of the day, are just a battle that we want to win? a battle that really makes no difference, except it separates our child from us just a little bit more? if something as little as a valentine is that big to me, might it not be that big to francis? is letting him get those horrible spiderman valentine's selling out our principles, or is it wising up and stepping back, and just letting francis make the choice he wants? i definitely don't want it to be one of those things where, when he grows up, he thinks: my mother never let me get the valentines i wanted. stupid, little things that become big because we make them that way.

and then, on the tail of valentine's day, is his birthday, feb. 18th, which always seems to happen during his school's spring break. and if valentine's day was tricky, you should see us trying to plan his birthday! i don't even want to talk about it, because that was not what i was planning on blogging about. i wasn't even plannning on blogging on what i just wrote. i was going to blog about something boring, about repotting my plants because they're completely top-heavy and are practically bursting out of their pots. but now i've already written too much and spent too much time. i'm in the middle of laundry,(i'm switching out my winter duvets to my summer ones, already, because i just need a change of color. something bright and cheery!) and i'm also in the middle of cleaning, and finishing up my flaxseed pillows. it's kind of like: when it rains it pours. all of a sudden, i have 101 things to do! don't we all? but no big deal. all those things to do, don't bother me. they're just part of living. i just do them. but parenting. that bothers me. i just keep forgetting to think like a kid...